Life's Continuum

It's been some time since my last blog, but I was glad to leave my Easter thoughts as the last entry for a while. It's always encouraging to remember God's goodness and grace to His children. This morning provided another perfect opportunity for these thoughts as the rain pounded on the roof and my new curtains were drawn shut. Lately, I lay in bed after I wake up and replay my life in my mind. I pause on the multitude of good times and smile at how God has taken care of me. I remember really special, romantic times, like when Bob and I were dating, and my office desk was always adorned with a vase of fresh flowers. I remember silly things that made me happy too, like when I had that one really good refrigerator! I don't get fresh flowers as often, and that refrigerator is long gone, but those joys have been replaced by new ones like the Post-it note Bob leaves for me every morning before he goes to work with a personal message for my day, or calls from one of my four grown kids to check on me, or homemade cards for Gram from Annabelle.

When I first learned of the seriousness of my cancer, I was filled with worry for my family. I honestly didn't know how they could go on without me. I am immensely important in the lives of my husband, my kids, and my grandkids. I guess since I am so involved with them everyday, it was hard for me to imagine what life would look like without me. But as I spend these mornings looking back on my life and seeing how God has provided and cared for me, He comforts my soul. My fears are alleviated knowing that He will look after my family just as He has looked after me. Even if I can no longer be with them, God will never leave them. He has promised in both Deuteronomy and Hebrews, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." They are in good hands. And as I watch the love and loyalty between each of them, I know that they will also always be there for each other. I am proud of the close-knit family God has created here, and it soothes my fears to know I can trust God to complete the good work He has started in each of them.

Truthfully, this is a very good time in my life. I have a box on a table in my living room filled with notes from people who love me. I have never gotten so many cards and letters in my life, and it's a really good feeling! I don't worry too much about all the ways I want to change myself anymore because I know tomorrow is not promised. Instead, I focus on what makes me happy today. I paint and sew and watch TV shows about interior decorating. I take naps when I'm tired, drink lots of water, eat healthy, and do all the things I am supposed to do to encourage healing in my body. I have to tell you, one of the best things about being sick is everyone thinks it's great when you put on weight! I have steadily gained since my diagnosis, and my friends and doctors act like it's the best thing in the world! Who knew they were so easy to please?

Steve, Dawn, and Emma are back, and I am again amazed to watch the differences between my three granddaughters. Emma has created her own language, so half of her words are intelligible and the rest only have meaning to her. She still runs around on her tippy-toes, but she has learned new twirling dances, dozens of new words, and can count higher than any other one-year-old I've seen. She's got crystal blue eyes, a thick mane of dark hair, and a toothy smile that lights up the room. Addison is a couple months younger and as opposite as they come. She rarely uses words except in her daily temper tantrums where she dramatically throws herself to the floor crying and flailing, occasionally looking up to make sure we've noticed. She plays her own game of loading a chair with all the balls she can find while Annabelle and Emma run around her. She's finally getting a few more curls to add to the wispy blonde strands on her head. Annabelle still amazes me with her heart for others. She brings me homemade gifts every time she comes over, and explains to me that Jesus is living in her heart as we cuddle in bed. She takes after her Gram with her artistry, so we love to sit and make crafts together.

So life goes on as usual, and I'm taking it day by day. I have good days and bad days, thankfully more of the good. Sometimes my pain is worse, sometimes my exhaustion is overwhelming, but my family takes care of me and I come back around. Thank you all for continuing to ask about my health. I won't know much about whether the chemo is working or not until the middle of May. After my fourth round of chemo, we will retest to see what progress we've made and discuss any changes in my treatment that may be necessary. Until then, we are just continuing on the path we laid out. My third chemo cycle begins Tuesday so I am again preparing.

Thank you for the jokes on the last blog! They were just what I needed! In fact, I loved them so much, please feel free to add a random joke to any entry. If laughter is the best medicine, you could be helping my health as well as my spirits!

I got pictures back from the dinner party a couple weeks ago, so you can check out our feast!