Test Day!

Well I’m radioactive folks! This is my big day of retesting, so at 9:00am I came to the hospital to get a shot that will make my skeleton light up in a bone scan. It needs a few hours to work into my system, so Mackenzie and I are just wasting time at Denny’s, Einstein’s, and the hospital waiting room until 1:00pm when the bone scan is scheduled. The CATscan of my chest is set to follow at 3:00. I have an appointment with Dr. Segota tomorrow morning where we will discuss the results of these tests and the continuing treatment plan we will follow.

A lot of people have been asking me if I’m planning to take a long cruise, or to travel around the world gazing upon famous sites. I guess they’re asking what’s on my “bucket list,” just in case. The truth is, I’m not making any of those plans. There are a few things I’d like to experience, but nothing crucial, and I think that’s because I’ve tried to live my life as a “yes person.” I’ve always told my kids, if the opportunity for any kind of adventure comes up, let your first response be yes! If you go through life first thinking, I can’t, or I shouldn’t, you could end up with a heaping pile of regrets. First think, yes, I could! Then, see if there are any reasons why you shouldn’t. If there are, you weigh the pros and cons and make your final decision, but if there aren’t, you go for it! I think it’s important not to count yourself out from the start. My sister Jeannie had the same “yes” attitude, and even after learning she was terribly ill, she never counted herself out and continued to have adventures even in her final months. She hosted parties, went to lunch every Thursday with her family, kept working Friday nights at the restaurant she loved, planted trees, and went to Disney World. In fact, at Disney World, she got bad chills and had to spend ten hours in the hospital. Then, she checked out of the hospital and went to Cirque de Soleil! She was responsible about her cancer, but she wasn’t going to let it stop her. I don’t really relate to the phrase, “Live like you’re dying,” because I don’t think it takes that kind of focus on finality to enjoy life. Instead, I prefer to, “live each day as a gift from God,” because I fundamentally believe that is true. I don’t think we need to wait until we receive some morbid news from the doctor to start jumping headfirst into adventure. I think the adventure starts much earlier than that, and if you live that way, you don’t end up in a mad dash to get the “bucket list” done.

I am eager to hear the results of these tests tomorrow morning, whatever they may be. Again, I’m not fearful of any possible news because all control in this situation is in Better Hands than my own. I feel a great freedom in knowing God has already appointed the exact time and cause for my death long ago, so I don’t have to worry about it. It could be because of this cancer, or it could be something I can’t even imagine years from now, and it’s not my job to figure it out! I just get to live the daily adventures He gives me until the perfect moment He has planned to bring me home to Him. Psalm 139:16 says, “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” In our Bible study, we’ve been discussing the majesty of God. It’s really a daunting subject to even begin to wrap my mind around. He is a God that is not only large enough to create all things, know all things, control all things, and be all places, He is also a personal enough God to have carefully planned each day of Jayne Kaminski’s life and walk her through each one of them. It is astounding. He knew me before I knew me. He has decided I matter to Him. I matter so much that He spends as much time with me as I need. The days I can’t get out of bed, He stays with me. He reveals more and more of Himself to me. And for what reason? I know for a fact that I did nothing to deserve the attention. It is all because He is so majestic and unsparing in His love. My cup runneth over.

Annabelle loves the dresses I’ve made her because they have enough skirt to be perfect twirling dresses. Unfortunately, we haven’t gotten her to stop twirling long enough for a picture. We’ll keep trying though!