Resurrection reflection

"Could life so end, half told; its school so fail?
Soul, soul, there is a sequel to thy tale!"
~Robert Mowry Bell

Today is Easter Sunday, and I couldn't go to church because my chemotherapy doesn't allow me to be in crowds. The rest of the family went together and picked me up afterwards for brunch. Although I couldn't go to an Easter service, I had the morning to reflect on the freedom brought through Christ's resurrection. This gift is probably especially poignant to me this year given my circumstances. It is the ultimate blessing through the ultimate sacrifice. Despite my sin which deserves death, I will enjoy eternal life with the Creator of all things because He Himself died to pay for my sins. It is incredible to think on. We see crosses displayed in jewelry, art, on bumper stickers, even in tattoos - reminders of Christ's death are inescapable. But how often do we reflect upon His empty tomb? The story doesn't end with His crucifixion. It continues with His return to life! Of course, it seems inconceivable that He could have conquered death, but my faith is strengthened by evidence that His resurrection must be real. Some have said maybe He wasn't completely dead and simply regained consciousness, left the tomb, and appeared to people as if He was resurrected. But He was tortured too badly in His punishment to have gotten Himself out of the tomb and walked around appearing fully restored to those who saw Him within days of the crucifixion. Another theory is that He never actually left the tomb at all and the disappearance of the body was a rumor, but the Roman government would have wasted no time in presenting His dead body for any of His followers to see and be convinced He was truly dead. And knowing that nearly all of the disciples died brutally violent deaths defending their claims that He rose from the dead, it is inconceivable for me to believe they each went tortured into their graves defending a lie. This severely lessens the plausibility of the theory that they had stolen Jesus's body from the tomb and lied about seeing Him alive after the crucifixion in order to further their new religion. Reasoning like this mounts up until I am compelled to believe that an all-powerful God actually conquered death to save me, instead of believing improbable theories that His resurrection was some kind of hoax. How wonderful that the Lord provides evidence that means we don't have to suspend our intelligence to believe in the supernatural! Praise God!

I am surprised thus far that the effects of this round of chemo have been much milder than my first time. I have been told that I will feel cumulatively worse with each treatment because the adverse effects tend to add up as my immune system weakens. However, I think since this time I am not afraid to take my pain medications, I have had a better result. I wake up in the mornings with the same physical troubles I had the first time around, but they soon subside as I follow the doctor's orders. I make sure to get plenty of rest, and I am doing fine.

We were lucky to have another holiday meal at John and Shannon's house today. I had passed the platter on to Shannon at Thanksgiving, before we knew I would be sick. As it turns out, it was just another way God was preparing us for changes in advance. John and Shannon hosted another perfect family afternoon, and Erin provided gourmet desserts! My heart was overcome with joy and thanksgiving as I watched the two young parents dote on their kids. I don't know if I saw Addison's feet touch the floor once while I was over there, her dad was so busy scooping her up to kiss her, tickle her, or just carry her around while he drinks coffee. Annabelle was helping her aunt make homemade lemonade and set the table between cuddling with mom, Gram, Grandpa Bob, or whoever could get their hands on her in the short moments she was still. I was just so proud. I felt the same way when Emma was here with Steve and Dawn. Since they live in Virginia, I was so glad to have them stay in my home for a week and watch what incredible, loving parents they are.

But these same thoughts that filled me with such pride and joy make me very sad tonight. I went into Mackenzie's room in tears to tell her how I was feeling. Should God choose to take me home to be with Him soon, I grieve over the things I will miss. I want to see her cuddling her children. I want to know and influence the grandchildren to come. I hate to think Mackenzie won't be able to call her mom with a parenting question. I hate to think I won't smell any more newborn grandbabies and kiss their foreheads. I have four kids that God may continue to bless with even more children. I hate to think I might miss life landmarks for my children and their children. I remember before my mother died, she said she wanted to be able to see Addison get married, and Addison hadn't even been born yet. I guess no matter how old we are, or how much God prepares us for our inevitable death, our understanding of heaven is so stunted that we long to experience just a little more life here on earth. But I do know that God has something even greater than the smell of newborn grandbabies waiting for us in heaven. My prayer is that I will get to love and treasure all of them for eternity in heaven - the ones born during my lifetime and the ones to follow long after. I pray fervently that each of my children's children will know and accept the salvation and forgiveness of Jesus Christ through His death and resurrection so that we can share eternity together with our Lord. How absolutely perfect that would be - in the most literal sense of the word!

But since I've been thinking on the things I might miss out on whenever the Lord decides to take me home, I am a little heartbroken tonight. Hopefully, you can help me out. I know I need a few good laughs, so please post any joke you know as a comment on this blog to brighten my spirits and give the rest of my readers a smile! God bless!