Nowhere to go, but plenty to say :)

I'm spending most of the day hooked to a machine and glued to my chair, so it's the perfect time for an update! I'm back in chemo today with the same familiar nurses and procedures. Mornings like this one are difficult. I wake up with nerves and emotions that plague me through my morning routine as I get ready to head back to the hospital. Many people are surprised when I tell them that there are plenty of times when I completely forget I have cancer. This trial has brought with it so many blessings into my life that I find it easy to forget my sickness in the midst of strengthened friendships, family visits, small gifts of love, and renewed insight into God's sovereignty. But when I go in for chemo, I'm forced to remember. I have cancer. Big cancer. Once I get to the infusion area, though, I see that I am not alone in this. The area is filled with other cancer patients going through this at the same time as me. I am glad we don't receive our treatment in private rooms. It is important to feel community, not isolation, as you fight an uphill battle. I'm part of a team of strong people, and I praise God that I feel encouragement just seeing others who can know and understand my experience right now.

I believe that God has a purpose for my good in everything he allows me to go through, and during this particular struggle, I feel that I've gained a new, deeper understanding of this belief. I used to appreciate that once the struggle was over, I could usually look back and see how it led to the blessings and growth that followed. The struggle was necessary as a means to the future good God had in store. This is the first time where I can clearly see many of the blessings in the middle of the storm. The struggle is not just the necessary evil, or the bridge, that brings us to our destination of God's good purpose. The struggle is, in and of itself, an integral part of the path. This is the time that I draw near to God. I am so thankful for the moments of suffering when I feel the need to cry out to him. It is easy to overlook his involvement in the good times. But when events are beyond my control, I remember that I desperately need him. I hope through this trial God will help me grow into the kind of person that remembers my dependence on him in the good and the bad. I can now say that I am thankful for my grandbabies and for my cancer, and both are valuable parts of my life.

Saturday night provided one of those good times that makes me temporarily forget my cancer. Mackenzie has a group of wonderful friends that have stayed close through high school and college, and a few of them threw a dinner party for their parents this weekend. The feast rivaled a Thanksgiving banquet, and every part of it was delicious! We, the parents, gladly agreed that the past ten years of giving the girls rides to each other's houses, providing money for their adventures, and always having the phone lines tied up, finally paid off by being treated to this great dinner party! It was a lot of fun to have a multi-generational evening with different families and see how the parent/child relationship has crossed over to being good friends. Even though we couldn't always keep up the with girls' mile-a-minute conversations, it was great to see them laugh together, and to join in. Plus, the dinner was held at my all-time favorite home! Richard and Pam were gracious enough to give me a tour for the twentieth time, and I'm still impressed with their style and location right on the water.

I am again looking forward to a visit from Steve, Dawn, and Emma. Shannon will be hosting Easter brunch at her house, and I'm sure the week will be filled with more big, boisterous family gatherings - my favorite kind.