Resurrection reflection

"Could life so end, half told; its school so fail?
Soul, soul, there is a sequel to thy tale!"
~Robert Mowry Bell

Today is Easter Sunday, and I couldn't go to church because my chemotherapy doesn't allow me to be in crowds. The rest of the family went together and picked me up afterwards for brunch. Although I couldn't go to an Easter service, I had the morning to reflect on the freedom brought through Christ's resurrection. This gift is probably especially poignant to me this year given my circumstances. It is the ultimate blessing through the ultimate sacrifice. Despite my sin which deserves death, I will enjoy eternal life with the Creator of all things because He Himself died to pay for my sins. It is incredible to think on. We see crosses displayed in jewelry, art, on bumper stickers, even in tattoos - reminders of Christ's death are inescapable. But how often do we reflect upon His empty tomb? The story doesn't end with His crucifixion. It continues with His return to life! Of course, it seems inconceivable that He could have conquered death, but my faith is strengthened by evidence that His resurrection must be real. Some have said maybe He wasn't completely dead and simply regained consciousness, left the tomb, and appeared to people as if He was resurrected. But He was tortured too badly in His punishment to have gotten Himself out of the tomb and walked around appearing fully restored to those who saw Him within days of the crucifixion. Another theory is that He never actually left the tomb at all and the disappearance of the body was a rumor, but the Roman government would have wasted no time in presenting His dead body for any of His followers to see and be convinced He was truly dead. And knowing that nearly all of the disciples died brutally violent deaths defending their claims that He rose from the dead, it is inconceivable for me to believe they each went tortured into their graves defending a lie. This severely lessens the plausibility of the theory that they had stolen Jesus's body from the tomb and lied about seeing Him alive after the crucifixion in order to further their new religion. Reasoning like this mounts up until I am compelled to believe that an all-powerful God actually conquered death to save me, instead of believing improbable theories that His resurrection was some kind of hoax. How wonderful that the Lord provides evidence that means we don't have to suspend our intelligence to believe in the supernatural! Praise God!

I am surprised thus far that the effects of this round of chemo have been much milder than my first time. I have been told that I will feel cumulatively worse with each treatment because the adverse effects tend to add up as my immune system weakens. However, I think since this time I am not afraid to take my pain medications, I have had a better result. I wake up in the mornings with the same physical troubles I had the first time around, but they soon subside as I follow the doctor's orders. I make sure to get plenty of rest, and I am doing fine.

We were lucky to have another holiday meal at John and Shannon's house today. I had passed the platter on to Shannon at Thanksgiving, before we knew I would be sick. As it turns out, it was just another way God was preparing us for changes in advance. John and Shannon hosted another perfect family afternoon, and Erin provided gourmet desserts! My heart was overcome with joy and thanksgiving as I watched the two young parents dote on their kids. I don't know if I saw Addison's feet touch the floor once while I was over there, her dad was so busy scooping her up to kiss her, tickle her, or just carry her around while he drinks coffee. Annabelle was helping her aunt make homemade lemonade and set the table between cuddling with mom, Gram, Grandpa Bob, or whoever could get their hands on her in the short moments she was still. I was just so proud. I felt the same way when Emma was here with Steve and Dawn. Since they live in Virginia, I was so glad to have them stay in my home for a week and watch what incredible, loving parents they are.

But these same thoughts that filled me with such pride and joy make me very sad tonight. I went into Mackenzie's room in tears to tell her how I was feeling. Should God choose to take me home to be with Him soon, I grieve over the things I will miss. I want to see her cuddling her children. I want to know and influence the grandchildren to come. I hate to think Mackenzie won't be able to call her mom with a parenting question. I hate to think I won't smell any more newborn grandbabies and kiss their foreheads. I have four kids that God may continue to bless with even more children. I hate to think I might miss life landmarks for my children and their children. I remember before my mother died, she said she wanted to be able to see Addison get married, and Addison hadn't even been born yet. I guess no matter how old we are, or how much God prepares us for our inevitable death, our understanding of heaven is so stunted that we long to experience just a little more life here on earth. But I do know that God has something even greater than the smell of newborn grandbabies waiting for us in heaven. My prayer is that I will get to love and treasure all of them for eternity in heaven - the ones born during my lifetime and the ones to follow long after. I pray fervently that each of my children's children will know and accept the salvation and forgiveness of Jesus Christ through His death and resurrection so that we can share eternity together with our Lord. How absolutely perfect that would be - in the most literal sense of the word!

But since I've been thinking on the things I might miss out on whenever the Lord decides to take me home, I am a little heartbroken tonight. Hopefully, you can help me out. I know I need a few good laughs, so please post any joke you know as a comment on this blog to brighten my spirits and give the rest of my readers a smile! God bless!

Nowhere to go, but plenty to say :)

I'm spending most of the day hooked to a machine and glued to my chair, so it's the perfect time for an update! I'm back in chemo today with the same familiar nurses and procedures. Mornings like this one are difficult. I wake up with nerves and emotions that plague me through my morning routine as I get ready to head back to the hospital. Many people are surprised when I tell them that there are plenty of times when I completely forget I have cancer. This trial has brought with it so many blessings into my life that I find it easy to forget my sickness in the midst of strengthened friendships, family visits, small gifts of love, and renewed insight into God's sovereignty. But when I go in for chemo, I'm forced to remember. I have cancer. Big cancer. Once I get to the infusion area, though, I see that I am not alone in this. The area is filled with other cancer patients going through this at the same time as me. I am glad we don't receive our treatment in private rooms. It is important to feel community, not isolation, as you fight an uphill battle. I'm part of a team of strong people, and I praise God that I feel encouragement just seeing others who can know and understand my experience right now.

I believe that God has a purpose for my good in everything he allows me to go through, and during this particular struggle, I feel that I've gained a new, deeper understanding of this belief. I used to appreciate that once the struggle was over, I could usually look back and see how it led to the blessings and growth that followed. The struggle was necessary as a means to the future good God had in store. This is the first time where I can clearly see many of the blessings in the middle of the storm. The struggle is not just the necessary evil, or the bridge, that brings us to our destination of God's good purpose. The struggle is, in and of itself, an integral part of the path. This is the time that I draw near to God. I am so thankful for the moments of suffering when I feel the need to cry out to him. It is easy to overlook his involvement in the good times. But when events are beyond my control, I remember that I desperately need him. I hope through this trial God will help me grow into the kind of person that remembers my dependence on him in the good and the bad. I can now say that I am thankful for my grandbabies and for my cancer, and both are valuable parts of my life.

Saturday night provided one of those good times that makes me temporarily forget my cancer. Mackenzie has a group of wonderful friends that have stayed close through high school and college, and a few of them threw a dinner party for their parents this weekend. The feast rivaled a Thanksgiving banquet, and every part of it was delicious! We, the parents, gladly agreed that the past ten years of giving the girls rides to each other's houses, providing money for their adventures, and always having the phone lines tied up, finally paid off by being treated to this great dinner party! It was a lot of fun to have a multi-generational evening with different families and see how the parent/child relationship has crossed over to being good friends. Even though we couldn't always keep up the with girls' mile-a-minute conversations, it was great to see them laugh together, and to join in. Plus, the dinner was held at my all-time favorite home! Richard and Pam were gracious enough to give me a tour for the twentieth time, and I'm still impressed with their style and location right on the water.

I am again looking forward to a visit from Steve, Dawn, and Emma. Shannon will be hosting Easter brunch at her house, and I'm sure the week will be filled with more big, boisterous family gatherings - my favorite kind.

No More Bad Hair Days

Well I finally went for a REALLY short 'do. My hair was steadily falling out, so yesterday morning I asked Mackenzie to help me shave it all off. I've heard stories from a lot of women who have been through chemo and had difficulty accepting their hair loss. I wasn't sure how I would react, but thankfully, it was not very traumatic for me. I have already seen my mother and sister bald, and I thought they still looked great! Even without the ornamentation of hair, we've got good genes in our family, and frankly, I still don't look half-bad! I've noticed that my head gets cold easily, so I'm wearing hats around the house. Other than that, there isn't much too complain about. I wore a wig to lunch with my sister Joanie today, and it was great to be able to get all ready and just throw my hair on before I walked out the door, knowing it looked great without any styling!

We checked in with Dr. Segota again on Wednesday. The appointments have gotten a little shorter since there's less new information as we continue this journey. The one minor issue was that some test results from my blood work came back different than expected. Dr. Segota said it was probably a lab error, but suggested I get retested to be safe. So on the way home we popped in at my general physician, Dr. Groene's, office to see if we could take care of it right away. She has some of the most friendly, affectionate office workers who gave me lots of hugs and did my blood work immediately. They talked me into waiting until Dr. Groene got out of her appointment so she could say hi. I was glad I stayed because Dr. Groene was happy to see me, sit down to chat and answer even more of my questions. Dr. Groene is a real blessing to me because she has been through severe cancer herself and offers me great hope, advice, and companionship. And as it turns out, the blood test results were a lab error.

The major change I've noticed in the past couple days is that I've lost my appetite. I've always been a big fan of all food, but lately I haven't even had a craving! I keep reminding myself to eat regularly, more for necessity than enjoyment. But I certainly don't mind this being the biggest of my problems at the moment.

The flowers at the top of the blog were from Bob the day my hair began falling out. The two at the bottom are proof that I have no shame. It's the shaving process - complete with a mullet!

I'm Alive!

I have heard my throngs of faithful readers calling out for a new blog post. I realize the irony that the title of this site is the "daily journey of jayne" when I post about once or twice a week. But I figured if I called it "the couple times a week journey of jayne" it would be too long of a title and frankly wouldn't have the same ring to it! Truthfully, I hadn't written in a while because the most exciting thing that had happened was that I cleaned out and reorganized my master bathroom. No amount of flowery wording could make that a riveting blog post. But that's the way it has been - life as usual - and I am very happy for it. This cancer has become a big part of my life, but when I'm not getting chemo or seeing doctors, life goes on as it did before and I really enjoy the typical events of daily living, even if it is just a sparkling clean bathroom.

I'm writing now because I do have a few more interesting updates. Just today my hair began falling out. Mackenzie and I were joking about my unruly mane, and when I ran my hand through it, I came out with a dozen strands between my fingers. I've known this was going to happen, but I don't think you can prepare for that exact moment. Even with full knowledge of what to expect, it was shocking. But now I've become fascinated with it! I just keep pulling out little palmfuls, and every time I'm amazed at how easily it just falls right out. We'll see what happens when I wash it. I think I'll just shave it all off within a couple days and start wearing my fashionable new hats and scarfs.

I went to see my psychologist JaNon a few days after my meltdown. I call her my "rent-a-friend." I hadn't been in to see her since August, and when I walked into her office she asked me how yoga was going and if Mackenzie was enjoying living in New York. I realized I had a lot to fill her in on! She's usually a great help during my times of trial, but I've been so trialed-out lately I hadn't even found time to catch her up. I told her my yoga kick only lasted for three classes until I hurt my back, Mackenzie has postponed the big city move, and about the deaths in my family and my illness. It was my first shrink appointment where I found myself passing JaNon all the tissues. But this experience was again a reminder to me of the importance of choosing the right doctors. They are so much more than medical professionals to me. They become my friends. Dr. Jeffrey Thackery is another one of my doctors who left a message on my phone the other day just to ask how I was doing and let me know he was thinking of me. I have been blessed with such good people in my life.

I am still feeling pretty well. I have minor pains now and then, and of course I told you my hair is falling out, but mainly I feel pretty normal. Overall I am thankful that cancer doesn't have to interfere with every single aspect of my life. I still feel very happy and loved.

On Thursday I see Dr. Segota again and prepare for round 2 of chemo beginning March 18. I'll try not to keep you hanging so long before the next blog post!

I had promised more NYC pictures, so I'll add a whole bunch! Starting with the picture resulting from Mackenzie and I hijacking Erin's camera, to the two sisters proposing to each other at every romantic site on Valentine's Day, to the best of our site-seeing.

Fall and Recover

Yesterday I officially had my first meltdown, and I was reminded why I chose Dr. Segota as my oncologist. I had expected to be nauseous and tired after my first chemo cycle. I also expected the localized bone aches from the Neulasta. But I didn't expect all the other symptoms that sprang up over the weekend. To name a few, I had a constant headache, sensitivity in my hair follicles, major pain in my feet, night sweats, back aches, and a constricting pressure throughout my whole body. On top of this, I hadn't seen my grandbabies in ten days! I left a message for Dr. Segota's nurse Monday morning in tears over these unanticipated problems. I got a call minutes later asking me to come see the doctor in an hour. I had originally met Dr. Segota during my father's last few days in hospice two months ago, and I was struck by her compassion. It's inspiring to see someone in her very serious profession who is more than just business. She takes a personal interest in her patients and does her work with gentle understanding of their journey. She worked me into her morning appointments and I was able to vent, cry, and ask my questions without ever feeling foolish. Just being able to talk to someone who could supply knowledgeable answers for me was incredibly therapeutic. She gave explanations for most of my symptoms, and encouraged me to take the pain medication she had prescribed. I had been relying mainly on Tylenol for my problems because I was afraid if I took the stronger medication, it wouldn't be as effective down the road when my pain becomes worse. Dr. Segota and her nurse explained to me that my current prescription is very mild and that I should mainly be concerned with my comfort. As my treatment continues, my pain medication will become stronger as needed. Amazing that the medical professionals thought of that before I did!

Now that I'm following their advice, I feel much better. I was able to go to Bible study last night where the group prayed for and encouraged me. I also went to my art class this morning where I painted and got more therapy talking with good friends. My hand is much better, especially since I am taking pain medication. Thank you for your prayers.

My daughters are making sure I eat well this week! Mackenzie has decided to learn to cook, and since Shannon is the expert in the family, she came over to help Mackenzie through her first dinner Monday night. It came out delicious! The two of them have already planned another homemade meal for Thursday. Then Erin called to let us know she'll be cooking for us Wednesday evening. Who knew I had raised so many aspiring chefs? Here's to good eating!

I was touched this evening to receive a card and gift from the faculty at Westminster Academy where two of my daughters went to school. I haven't been in close contact with many at Westminster since my kids graduated, so this gesture from them was unexpected and very stirring. I am moved that I am still in the thoughts and prayers of people I have known at all different times in my life. That kind of caring reminds me of Christ's faithful love and rejuvenates my strength for the road ahead.

Mixed Reviews

Wednesday morning I was feeling the best I've felt in months! It was the day after chemo and I shot out of bed wide awake and full of energy! I cleaned the house, hung drapes, and went out to lunch all with a chipper arrogance that this chemo stuff is not nearly as bad as everyone makes it out to be! Then Mackenzie and I went to the hospital for my Neulasta shot and Zometa infusion. I bragged to the nurse about my newfound spunk, and then she said the words I was hoping not to hear, "Ooh, didn't they warn you about that?" Apparently, before chemo, they give you a steroid to counteract the possible adverse effects for a couple days after the cycle. I guess I was supposed to be warned to resist the urge to use up that excess energy. Whoops! The nurse cautioned me to take it easy because I would probably experience an energy crash soon. I suppose it's good to know for next time!

I am tired now, but it's not extreme. So far, God has answered your prayers and mine that I would not be nauseous or physically ill. My major complaint is aching bones from the Neulasta shot that evens out my white blood cell count. It's not a terrible pain, but it is constant and uncomfortable. It's interesting in that it is accutely localized. For a while, my thigh bone will ache, then it'll travel to my pelvis, then my skull, and all around my body like that. I've read up on it a bit, and the bone aches are only supposed to last a few days.

I miss my baby girls! Annabelle and Addison, as well as their mother, have had colds, so they can't come over. I sent Annabelle a card in the mail the other day, and she sends home gifts with Mackenzie, so we've been in communication. I can't wait to see them again! My friends have kept me from getting lonely though. Joann Cline, my best friend from high school sent me a shawl made especially and prayerfully for me by women at St. John's church in my hometown of Antigo, Wisconsin. She included pictures of her beautiful home wrapped in snow, and a photo of my dad Teachy when he was probably only 7 or 8 years old! She said my blog reminded her that I love to sew, and she recalled the time we made matching corduroy jumpers to go with our killer go-go boots in high school! We must have really been lookers! Another friend of mine named Jo sent me a list of verses that she prays for me and now I can pray with her. I must say, through this experience, very few of my tears have been because of sadness. I am put to shame by the kindness of the people God has brought into my life.

Bob and I are already the type to go to bed early, and now I've been spending more time resting in my room, so we bought the Bible on tape to listen to while we lay around. I've always loved being read to, especially because it was one of the sweet things Teachy would do for us girls. The voice of James Earl Jones on this Bible recording is certainly different, but it still reminds me of my dad.

I have one specific prayer I would like you all to say for me. If you have spent any time with me, you know that I am an artist. Painting, sewing, and general crafting are my favorite past-times. But lately I've been losing function in my left hand. It could be due to any number of things, but it is distressing when it interferes with my art. And it could be made worse as I continue treatment because one of the possible side effects of a drug I'm taking is the loss of feeling in my extremities. This is probably my biggest concern as far as reactions to my medication. Please pray for restored and continued dexterity in my hands so that I can continue to create.

Here are some pictures from my birthday breakfast last weekend, starting with the hosts of the party, Shannon and her husband John.

The ball is rolling!

Today was finally my first chemotherapy session. Dr. Segota's nurse Debbie called Monday morning to inform us that the biopsy results were positive for cancer in my spine. Since we had that answer, we could begin treatment right away. My chemo had been postponed and rescheduled numerous times over the past weeks, and of course, when the date was solidified, Mackenzie was out of town for the day. She offered to come home, but I knew that I have some amazing friends who have asked for opportunities to help me, and when I called Donna and Suzi, they were delighted to keep me company during my chemo. Donna and I arrived at 9:00am this morning for the all-day affair. While the experience was long, it certainly wasn't as uncomfortable as I expected - I think greatly because I was well cared for by my companions. Donna and I spent the morning growing closer through conversation about our lives and our Lord. Then Suzi came in for the lunch shift with gifts as usual! After twenty years, the two of us have yet to run out of things to talk about. Erin left work early and sat with me through the last few hours until about 6:00pm. I felt comfortable with these three helpers, but also to find there were many familiar faces among the nurses in the chemo area. I met most of them when I used to accompany my mother to get her cancer treatment. They were all sweet to remember me and ask about her.

Truthfully, I think the timing of my chemo has turned out pretty perfectly since my hair has grown out to a completely awkward length! No hair might be an improvement over the unruly style I've had lately. And I'm excited to wear all of my bald-head accessories. I've got the scarf from Ragan, plus some cute hats I ordered online - I even ordered a matching set for Annabelle and me to wear together!

I know many of you have been praying for Annabelle's understanding and dealing with my cancer. I found out a few days ago that she has been praying for me as well. When Mackenzie was driving her home after a play day, Annabelle prayed out loud for her grandma. She said, "Dear God, please help Gram to feel good and keep her hair and always be happy and love me. In Jesus name, Amen." It made me cry to hear of her compassion, and that she had asked my daughters if she could get me medicine for my birthday so I would get better. They assured her that I had the best medicine possible, so Annabelle settled for giving me scented bath products instead. After I heard these stories, I thanked her for praying for me and told her I was OK with losing my hair, so she didn't need to feel worried about that. She was excited when I mentioned the idea of matching hats, so now I think she's actually waiting for my hair to fall out so we can start showing off our hats!

I feel fine tonight - just a little tired of sitting for so long! The nurses told me any effects from the chemo would begin tomorrow, so please pray that I do not get sick or overly fatigued. Thank you for continuing to check-up on me and encourage me!

The Big 3-0!

I never thought it would happen, but I've finally hit that three decade mark! And it was much less traumatic than I expected. Actually, it was wonderful. The first day of birthday celebrations (there will be many) began with Erin's fifth grade class calling to sing "Happy Birthday" to me at 8am! I especially enjoyed the added "cha cha cha" at the end of every line. This was followed by a visit from Shannon and Addison, and then gifts from Mackenzie when she finally rolled out of bed. She gave me a cute red jumpsuit for my chemo days, and a decorative sign saying, "I love you to the moon and back," one of our favorite childhood quotes. A couple of years ago I came up with a great idea for gifts since I don't really have need for many more "things." Instead, for birthdays, Christmas, Mother's Day, etc, I asked my family to make picture pages of our memories for an empty scrapbook I bought. It's one of the best ideas I've had! I had to get a new scrapbook for this year because the first is already filled to the brim. So my presents from Shannon and Erin are works in progress as they collect photos for the pages. Mackenzie cops out on the pages idea every now and then since she didn't inherit my gene that loves to make crafts like my other daughters did! I talked to my darling Steve, and his present is en route, so I'm crossing my fingers for photo pages from him too! Bob sent beautiful flowers that are adorning our kitchen table, and even a few friends sent presents for my special day. I must say, one of the most touching was a package that was sent by one of Mackenzie's best friends, Ragan, from her new home in Australia! It was exciting and moving to get a gorgeous silk scarf all the way from the other side of the globe on my exact birthday! I tried to send a "thank you" email, but the address I have must be wrong. So Ragan, I hope you read this soon and know that your thoughtfulness brought me to tears of appreciation. The festivities will continue tomorrow morning with a birthday breakfast hosted and catered by Shannon!

All the birthday joy was a very timely comfort during a difficult week. As you know, I last wrote while waiting for my spine biopsy on Monday. Before the procedure began, the radiologist asked a nurse to grab Mackenzie from the waiting room so that he could speak with us both and allow us to make an informed decision. He didn't exactly understand the point of the biopsy since the previous tests indicated I almost certainly have cancer in my bone. We told him the oncologists had encouraged it so that we would have definitive knowledge over whether or not it is actually there. Here's the complication: Dr. Tate, the radiologist, informed us that even if the results of the biopsy come back negative for cancer, that is not proof that my spine is unaffected. It may just mean they didn't biopsy the exact area where the cancer is growing. He basically asked me if I was sure I wanted to go through this trying procedure with the knowledge that a negative result would not really prove I have no cancer in my spine. On the flip side, if the results are positive, we will know absolutely that we are dealing with Stage 4 cancer. We didn't come to a conclusion quickly. This is my fourth biopsy, and truthfully, I am exhausted from being prodded at and not receiving concrete answers from it. At the end of some time, we all agreed that since I had gone to the trouble of going all the way to Sloan-Kettering to get a recommendation, and since I was already at the hospital, I may as well go through with the procedure, and put faith in God to take care of the results. This may sound like a simple answer, but continuing to completely trust in the Lord while repeatedly making difficult life-altering decisions is tough. He has been faithful in giving me the strength I need, bit by bit, and I am encouraged by all your support, but I don't want anyone to misunderstand my journey as being uncomplicated or easily travelled. Without the care of my Lord and the loved ones he has blessed me with, I know this would be unmanageable for me. I am so thankful for God's salvation in daily life and in eternity!

Tuesday was scheduled to be my first chemo cycle, and from what we understood in speaking to nurses at the hospital, it was a go. Mackenzie and I arrived and registered, only to be met in the office by Dr. Segota's nurse, telling us that chemo would be again postponed indefinitely until the bone biopsy results are in. It may sound strange that I was sort of looking forward to the chemo cycle, but when you've been dreading the unknown for a while, it is a relief to feel you'll finally get it over with! I was really frustrated to find out at the last minute that I would again be put on hold. I shed a few tears and decided I HAD to get my nails done! By the end of the day, my spirits were rejuvinated, and now I am continuing to wait for these biopsy results. This has been the most painful recovery of my procedures, so please pray that my aches will be alleviated, my strength will be sustained, and my faith in the Lord will continue to grow while I am refined by these trials.

While I wait to hear from the doctors, I've been provided with unexpected time to knock some tasks off my perpetual "to-do" list. If you come over to visit anytime soon, I'll have to show you the delightful new drapes I've made for my bedroom window!

I'll leave you with some photos of Addison in her new Easter dresses! You can just see the trouble in her eyes!

Penciling it in...

Mackenzie and I have read every copy of Oprah's magazine and Sports Illustrated in the Holy Cross Hospital outpatient waiting room, and my guess is we still have time to spare, so I'll catch you up. I am having my spinal biopsy done this morning to find out once and for all if there is cancer in my vertebrae and solidify the treatment plan that will follow. As far as I know, my chemotherapy will still begin tomorrow as scheduled, unless we find something very surprising in this biopsy that alters that arrangement. One major lesson I've learned in this process is to never mark your calendar in ink! We have had to roll with many changes and there will be more to come, so we just try to remain flexible and trust in God's sovereignty as events unfold. I am confident that even when things seem hectic in the midsts of multiple biopsies, MRIs, CATscans, dr's appointments, and the like, the Lord is carrying me through in His palm. Isaiah 12:2 says, “Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the Lord God is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation.”

We had a ball in New York City, creating laughter and memories. We were able to see another Broadway show, Young Frankenstein, from the first row! It was amazing to see the detail in their costumes close up, not to mention the amount of sweat and spit that falls on stage! The musical was just as funny as the movie and very impressive in performance and technical talent. On Valentine's Day, Bob took the girls out for lunch at Tavern on the Green. It was a gorgeous day, and the elegant dining room adorned with real blossoms and elaborate chandeliers was drenched in sunlight from the encircling windows. A perfect day for a marriage proposal, we figured! We kept our eyes glued to every affectionate young couple that walked in, but no one got on his knee. What's wrong with these guys?! However, we got our satisfaction later that night on the top of the Empire State building when a couple got engaged right next to us! They were giddy and cute as we took pictures of them and admired the ring. We did so much during our week in the city that the flight home was a blur of exhaustion. It was great to get back into our own beds and sleep in!

Shannon and Annabelle came over to welcome us home yesterday and collect their portion of the spoils from our trip. I was happy to see my girls I had missed so much! The rest of the day was spent lying in bed and watching a marathon of movies. I needed to rest up for the upcoming busy week with my biopsy, chemo, and BIRTHDAY! The winter is such a popular time for birthdays in my family, people start to think we're joking by the end of February. But as God would have it, He saved the best for last in our family birthdays and mine ends the series at February 20th! You can send all cards and gift packages to the address listed in my first blog post! :)

Please continue your prayers and support. They are greatly needed and appreciated!

There will be more NYC pictures to follow, but here's a sampling. The first couple are a tribute to our trio of red coats, and the last is Bob and I showing our "Dogs Rule" fashion sense in front of Louis Vuitton.

Mixing business with pleasure

Well, New Yorkers may be unhappy about the bleak weather in Manhattan the past couple days, but we are loving every minute of it! Who comes from Florida to New York in the winter to wear shorts? It's been in the low 20s, and today we had snow! My face is thawing from the walk home from the Theatre District as I write this!

We got to our hotel on 50th and 3rd Monday afternoon and discovered we were just down the street from the original Smith & Wollensky. I've heard so much about their world famous steaks, and since it was Mackenzie's birthday, we had the perfect excuse to splurge on dinner! We were the only family there in a sea of businessmen. The environment was charming, and the food didn't disappoint - especially the complementary chocolate mousse cake and song for the birthday girl! We got to bed early last night after a little exploring to be rested for the appointment with Sloan-Kettering this morning.

The hotel is few steps away from Sloan-Kettering, and my appointment was at 11:00am. Bob, Mackenzie, and I were already here, and Erin was able to hop a last minute flight from Florida and meet us at the office. I was impressed by the friendly workers, efficiency, cleanliness, and overall order throughout the building. Dr. Oettgen was a sweet white-haired man with a bow tie and a German accent. He reviewed my tests with us and gave me a brief physical. Then he went to look over my x-rays and came back to talk with my family. Basically, he agrees with Dr. Segota on my treatment plan and the steps we've taken thus far. His major comment was that he strongly suggests I get a biopsy of my spine. The MRI and PETscans of my spine raised suspicion that the cancer had spread to my bones. However, both the radiologist at Holy Cross and at Sloan-Kettering could not state with certainty that what is showing up in these tests is cancer. It is just highly probable. Dr. Oettgen feels strongly about this biopsy because it is the only way to get a definitive answer about what is going on in my vertebrae. If there is no cancer, it could be Stage 3B, which, as I've said before, offers a possible chance of healing or at least a longer life expectancy. The side effects of treatment for Stage 3B would be much more severe, but it would be worth it since I would have a chance of survival. So we didn't necessarily learn anything new, but we did get a strong recommendation for a spinal biopsy. We called Dr. Segota's nurse to set up that test as soon as possible. So again, my chemo treatment which was rescheduled for February 19, will probably be postponed until we learn the results of the biopsy since it could change the way we go forward.

Overall we had a good experience at Sloan-Kettering and I was comforted by their friendly manner and Dr. Oettgen's willingness to sit with us until all our questions were answered. We headed to a New York deli for lunch and made plans for the rest of our stay. Our "must-do" list covers the front and back of a page, so we should be busy! We hopped the subway down to Macy's and checked out two whole floors of shoes! A couple natives noticed we were already making a fashion statement ourselves since Erin, Mackenzie, and I were all wearing bright red winter coats. I had bought them for each of us - can you guess my favorite color? We certainly stood out from the black trenches all around us. Madison Square Garden was just around the corner where the Westminster Dog Show was going on. We got 2 free goodie bags containing "Dogs Rule" skull caps. Bob and I put them on to survive the chill. I kept laughing when I saw how silly he looked in that hat until Erin pointed out I looked just as ridiculous.

All Mackenzie wants to do while we're here is pack in the Broadway shows, and luckily she has a good friend in the city who was able to get us discounted prices for Curtains, a musical starring David Hyde Pierce (Niles from "Frasier"). It was cute and clever and we all enjoyed it. We opted to walk home and enjoy the snow, and now we're wiped! So we're heading to bed and looking forward to making a dent in our "must-do" list tomorrow.

When you get a vacation to Manhattan in order to get a second opinion, I think it becomes more than just a "necessary evil." This trip is a blessing. Wish you all were here! :-)