Mother Knows Best

I have made it through another round of chemo and am still shocked at the different symptoms each time. Since Mackenzie was out of town, Shannon rearranged her schedule in order to take me to the chemo infusion, and my caring friends Suzi and Norma shared the responsibilities with Bob and Erin of keeping me comfortable in the following days. In fact, Suzi was so committed, she wouldn't leave the house when Erin arrived for her shift - we later found out Suzi has no cable at home and had gotten addicted to our TV. But everyone was very sweet to me and helped me through the hard few days I always have. The strangest symptom this time was that my teeth became loose and actually wiggled! When Erin checked the internet we found that is a side effect of chemo. My teeth are back to normal now, but I was eating only soft foods for a little while. The only residual effect is a metal taste to all my food.

This Mother's Day was a beautiful time of reflection now that the baby of my four children is 23 years old. I have always been so thankful that I was born a woman and get to experience all that comes with it - especially motherhood. But as I thought back on the way each of these four lives began, I realized there is not a single pregnancy I could call convenient. Motherhood - sacrifice, selflessness, unconditional love - begins at an exact moment. The moment you find out you're pregnant. For me, it meant the end of my fairytale life. It meant dropping out of college during my senior year after so much of my parents' money and my own hard work had been poured out to get me a degree. It meant disgrace on my family, a speedy marriage, and a rocky start. Then came Steve - tiny, colicky, constantly crying Steve. I could actually understand those mothers who end up throwing their baby out a window, but God gave me the grace to survive those first few screaming months. The other beginnings were not without complications either. When I was pregnant with Mackenzie, many of my days ended by 9:00am. I got up, my sciatic nerve from my Polio acted up, and I got back in bed.

As I raised four kids, I learned that if you aren't having a major struggle with one of them at the moment, you can trust it's just around the corner. Whether they're throwing their dinner plate on the floor from their high chair, or you're driving around in the middle of the night searching for your teenage runaway, it is a continuous rollercoaster. I often tell the story of waving goodbye to my long haired, pierced-eared Steve as he got on the plane to Marquette University and then falling to my knees and thanking God for sleep away college. I believe the job of parents is to lay down a foundation of love by providing steadfast rules for their children, and their children's job is to try every way they can think of to challenge those rules. During the times of greatest struggle between myself and my kids, I kept in mind that we were both just doing our jobs, and I had to trust in God that at some point we would come out the other side of the battle.

I wish each one of you could meet my long haired, peirced-eared Steve now. He is a buzz-cut, Naval petty officer first class, God-fearing role model of a man. Bob has joked about the way I brag on Steve saying, "Oh right, I forgot, Steve walks on water," but the more he sees of Steve, Bob says he's beginning to believe he really might be able to do anything. Steve spends most of his time on a ship of seamen and doesn't even curse! Can you imagine how rare that is? A sailor who doesn't swear! Beyond that, Steve is consistently at the top of his class, he holds Bible studies, he and his wife have spoken to youth groups about their commitment to abstinence until the day of their marriage, and he is an example of patience and love as he fathers beautiful Emma.

My second-born Erin is also characterized by a selfless commitment to the Lord. She is the picture of a godly woman. It is amazing that in this family of teasing and sarcasm, you will never hear a harsh word from Erin's mouth. She is filled with love and compassion beyond what I can understand. And she has an admirable self-reliant zeal for life. My sweet Erin's hands became lethal weapons when she received her brown belt in karate. She has travelled to Japan, Korea, Europe, and all over the US because she has that great "yes" attitude. But one of my favorite joys in my first daughter is that as she has grown-up, I have found one of my dearest companions who I am always thankful to travel alongside.

My teenage runaway, Shannon, made it through her wild days and settled down with a good husband who is helping her raise two adorable daughters. I'll admit I get great satisfaction when I find her doing the same things with her kids she swore she would never do while she was growing up. I was tickled when she asked me to sew matching outfits for her girls, which was a plague to her existence and the cause of many tears when she and Mackenzie were little. Shannon takes the same joy in being a mother that I do, and I love to watch her hands-on approach with her girls. She and John have erected a butterfly garden and a goldfish pond in their backyard to teach the kids about plants and animals. Shannon loves kids so much, she uses her athletic skills to coach junior high girls' volleyball in the evening. But I am most proud of Shannon on Sunday mornings because I know, without fail, exactly where I'll find her. She and her kids will be in church and Annabelle will have a new memorized Bible verse to tell us in the afternoon.

And then there's Mackenzie - the most obstinate of my children. She calls it headstrong; I call it a pain in the butt. Mackenzie started running this family the day she was born, and she still does. It is not easy raising a kid who is determined to raise herself. Mackenzie was never really a baby and started handling her own life very early on. She is a thinker and a perfectionist. I think she misspelled her first word in the sixth grade which meant she did not get a perfect score. You should all be thankful you were not around for that day of slamming doors. But with this thinking perfectionism comes a great deal of wisdom. Mackenzie makes good decisions, and as she grew up, compassion joined with her wisdom to make her a counselor. She not only gives insightful, Biblically based advice, but she lives as an example. There used to be a joke about getting in tough situations and thinking, "What would Mackenzie do?" I would have never thought with Mackenzie's left-brained approach to life that she would pursue a career in the performing arts, but I knew with her determination she could make it happen. The blessing of motherhood leads to moments like I had last night when Mackenzie was singing How Great Thou Art in church and I wanted to stand up and scream, "That's my daughter!!"

My point is that there will never be a time in a woman's life when a pregnancy is convenient. It means everything you have grown accustomed to will change. You will have to say no to yourself a lot, and you will have to say no to your kids a lot - which can be even harder. But God promises in Romans 8:28, "And we know that in ALL THINGS God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." That means he can use a pregnancy like my first, which came from a bad decision at a terrible time, to create an incredible person like Steve who has positively enriched my life and the lives of countless he has met through God's divine purpose. And it means that Steve could fulfill his dream of becoming a father through adopting his marvelous daughter Emma because someone else was brave enough to have her baby at an inconvenient time.

I had the privilege of counseling at Hope Pregnancy Center for a few years, and I found that often it was not just the young girls considering abortion, but it was their parents pressuring them not to have their baby. Pregnancies and trials in parenthood may come to us unexpectedly, but don't believe they are unexpected to God. He has purposefully created each child as a gift whether you can see it that way in the moment or not. The Lord speaks repeatedly in the Bible about children being a blessing to their parents. Believe Him. I am telling you this because I have been through the unplanned pregnancy, the sacrifices, the baby smearing its poop on the wall, the screaming matches, and the other hardships that come with motherhood, and I would not go back and change a thing. I am so thankful for these four utmost blessings God has brought into my life. And frankly, if you know my kids at all, you'll have to admit God and I do pretty good work!