The Big 3-0!

I never thought it would happen, but I've finally hit that three decade mark! And it was much less traumatic than I expected. Actually, it was wonderful. The first day of birthday celebrations (there will be many) began with Erin's fifth grade class calling to sing "Happy Birthday" to me at 8am! I especially enjoyed the added "cha cha cha" at the end of every line. This was followed by a visit from Shannon and Addison, and then gifts from Mackenzie when she finally rolled out of bed. She gave me a cute red jumpsuit for my chemo days, and a decorative sign saying, "I love you to the moon and back," one of our favorite childhood quotes. A couple of years ago I came up with a great idea for gifts since I don't really have need for many more "things." Instead, for birthdays, Christmas, Mother's Day, etc, I asked my family to make picture pages of our memories for an empty scrapbook I bought. It's one of the best ideas I've had! I had to get a new scrapbook for this year because the first is already filled to the brim. So my presents from Shannon and Erin are works in progress as they collect photos for the pages. Mackenzie cops out on the pages idea every now and then since she didn't inherit my gene that loves to make crafts like my other daughters did! I talked to my darling Steve, and his present is en route, so I'm crossing my fingers for photo pages from him too! Bob sent beautiful flowers that are adorning our kitchen table, and even a few friends sent presents for my special day. I must say, one of the most touching was a package that was sent by one of Mackenzie's best friends, Ragan, from her new home in Australia! It was exciting and moving to get a gorgeous silk scarf all the way from the other side of the globe on my exact birthday! I tried to send a "thank you" email, but the address I have must be wrong. So Ragan, I hope you read this soon and know that your thoughtfulness brought me to tears of appreciation. The festivities will continue tomorrow morning with a birthday breakfast hosted and catered by Shannon!

All the birthday joy was a very timely comfort during a difficult week. As you know, I last wrote while waiting for my spine biopsy on Monday. Before the procedure began, the radiologist asked a nurse to grab Mackenzie from the waiting room so that he could speak with us both and allow us to make an informed decision. He didn't exactly understand the point of the biopsy since the previous tests indicated I almost certainly have cancer in my bone. We told him the oncologists had encouraged it so that we would have definitive knowledge over whether or not it is actually there. Here's the complication: Dr. Tate, the radiologist, informed us that even if the results of the biopsy come back negative for cancer, that is not proof that my spine is unaffected. It may just mean they didn't biopsy the exact area where the cancer is growing. He basically asked me if I was sure I wanted to go through this trying procedure with the knowledge that a negative result would not really prove I have no cancer in my spine. On the flip side, if the results are positive, we will know absolutely that we are dealing with Stage 4 cancer. We didn't come to a conclusion quickly. This is my fourth biopsy, and truthfully, I am exhausted from being prodded at and not receiving concrete answers from it. At the end of some time, we all agreed that since I had gone to the trouble of going all the way to Sloan-Kettering to get a recommendation, and since I was already at the hospital, I may as well go through with the procedure, and put faith in God to take care of the results. This may sound like a simple answer, but continuing to completely trust in the Lord while repeatedly making difficult life-altering decisions is tough. He has been faithful in giving me the strength I need, bit by bit, and I am encouraged by all your support, but I don't want anyone to misunderstand my journey as being uncomplicated or easily travelled. Without the care of my Lord and the loved ones he has blessed me with, I know this would be unmanageable for me. I am so thankful for God's salvation in daily life and in eternity!

Tuesday was scheduled to be my first chemo cycle, and from what we understood in speaking to nurses at the hospital, it was a go. Mackenzie and I arrived and registered, only to be met in the office by Dr. Segota's nurse, telling us that chemo would be again postponed indefinitely until the bone biopsy results are in. It may sound strange that I was sort of looking forward to the chemo cycle, but when you've been dreading the unknown for a while, it is a relief to feel you'll finally get it over with! I was really frustrated to find out at the last minute that I would again be put on hold. I shed a few tears and decided I HAD to get my nails done! By the end of the day, my spirits were rejuvinated, and now I am continuing to wait for these biopsy results. This has been the most painful recovery of my procedures, so please pray that my aches will be alleviated, my strength will be sustained, and my faith in the Lord will continue to grow while I am refined by these trials.

While I wait to hear from the doctors, I've been provided with unexpected time to knock some tasks off my perpetual "to-do" list. If you come over to visit anytime soon, I'll have to show you the delightful new drapes I've made for my bedroom window!

I'll leave you with some photos of Addison in her new Easter dresses! You can just see the trouble in her eyes!